Hate the Club, Love The Club

I remember when I was still living in Hampton Virginia and my homeboys were living here in the DC metro area they would always tell me about the nightclub Dream (now called Love). I remember them telling me about how big it was, all of the concerts that they would have there, and how there were so many bad chicks in there. So naturally I wanted to check it out. I mean, it was better than the hotest nightclub in Hampton Roads (The Alley) where you aren't even allowed to bring your cell phone inside (to this day, I have no idea why).

So one Thursday I came to DC for a Friday job fair to see if I could get a job in DC. Well, that Friday I got a job offer so I called my homeboy who I was staying with and told him that we were going to celebrate my job offer at Dream. That night I got dressed in a pair of my nicest slacks, dress shirt, and shoes to go experience the phenomenon called Dream. When I walked in, it was more than what I expected. 4 floors of the finest women DC had to offer. I knew right then that this was going to be one of my favorite spots.

As the years passed, I visited Dream countless times, then they changed the name to Love. When it was Dream, I never had a bad experience. But as soon as they changed the name to Love it all went down hill. Now not every night was a bad night, but they definitely outweigh the good nights I had in there. Let's look at some of my not so good nights in there.

• Paid $60 for a VIP ticket to see Nas in concert. Paid another $20 to park and when I walked to the 2nd floor, I see Nas is already on stage performing Made You Look. I look at my watch and it's 11:30 so I'm thinking that he just got on stage. WRONG! After he finished performing Made You Look he says "That's my time DC, I love yall" and walked off the stage. I was pissed off. I later found out that the concert started at 10:30.







• About 4 months later Nas returned to Love. This time I was determined not to miss his performance so I got to the club at 9:30. Bad idea. He didn't perform until 12:45 and left the stage at around 2. Four and a half hours in the club was way too much for me. The performance was great and he even brought Jadakiss on stage to perform, but damn I waited 3 hours to see the performance.







• Went to love one extra frosty winter Friday night with one of my homeboys. Since I didn't want to pay to park, I decided to park on West Virginia Ave. Bad idea. As I approached my car I saw my Armor All on the floor and wondered why my homeboy just threw my Armor All on the floor. Then I realized that the entire contents of my glove compartment were scattered all over the car. Then I realized that my window was busted. As I looked to see what was taken from the car I realize that they left my D&G shades, my car stereo, and my bottle of liquor that I was drinking before I went into the club. I had to drive all the way back to Maryland with no window in the middle of January. To make it worse I realized that the thief only took a sweat suit which was my dad's Christmas present which I hadn't given to him. $165 to replace the window and all they stole was a sweat suit.







• Went to Love with my homeboy to see Jay Z perform. Paid $20 to get in split the $20 parking charge and went inside. As we were waiting for Jay to take the stage, I noticed that people were on the stage and there was no DJ set up on stage. I started to get a bad feeling. At about 1:30 Jay Z hits the stage. Not to perform, but to stand on stage drinking Ace of Spades and talking to his homies. I really felt bad for the fools who bought VIP tickets for $100.

• Tried to go to Love during the AKA national convention week. Went to the ATM machine and took out $60. I figured that if it was a good enough party, I would start a tab for drinks. As I'm flying down New York Ave trying to get to the club, I ended up running a red light and saw the cameras flashing. So, by the time I get to the parking lot I'm already pissed off. After I paid my $20 to park, I get to the line and check my pockets and find that I only have $20 left. I realized that I must have dropped a $20 and if they were charging more than $20 at the door I'd be looking like a jackass. So I walked back to my car and just went home. I waisted $40 and didn't even get in the club. Well somebody got 2 or 3 free drinks on me.







• Last time I went to Love, New York Ave was so packed and parking was so jacked up that we ended up driving all the back towards the Convention Center and taking a cab. After we finally got into the club I ended up going in on a bottle of Kettle One vodka. The bottle was $250. I thought to myself "How much does Love pay for this bottle"? Maybe $15-$20 wholesale. But we get charged over 10 times what they pay. Then to top it off, it took about an hour to get a cab back to the car. DC is just like New York when it comes to a black man getting a cab. Cabs would bypass us and pick up chicks right in front of us. When we did get a cab, I was ready to cuss dude out until I realized he was the only cabbie cool enough to pick up a group of black men.

This weekend it's Howard's homecoming, so P-Diddy will be hosting the party at Love on Friday. Tickets are already going for $40 and trust me it will be so crowded in there that you will not be able to move. No thanks. I'm done with Love the Club. The End!!!!!!

Storytime: Skateboard P Goes To Juvie

I was just sitting back thinking about random crazy events from my youth and thought about an incident from the sixth grade. So everyone gather around to listen to the story "Skateboard P Goes to Juvie".

This story takes place in an urban middle school in the heart of the hood in Newport News Virginia. It was a little after lunch and I was sitting in Mr. Barnes' class fighting the "itis" and listening to him talk about something that I really didn't care about. Next thing I know I hear Ca-kunk, ca-kunk, kunk © Lupe Fiasco . As soon as I said to myself "That sounds like a skateboard", I see this dude go flying by the doorway on a skateboard. Now, I know it's now not out of the ordinary to see a inner city black kid skateboarding today, back in 1989 you really didn't see much. So that struck me as odd. So Mr. Barnes stopped mid-sentence and gave the class a look like I know this fool aint riding a skateboard in the hallway. Next thing I know, Mr. Barnes just took off out of the door. Now Mr. Barnes was about 5'6 and 350 pounds but he took off like Christain Okoye from the Kansas City Chiefs.

So the class sat there in silence still shocked that (A) this fool was skateboarding in the hallway and (B) Mr. Barnes was that damn fast.

So about 5 minutes has passed when Mr. Barnes walked back into the classroom with his hands behind his back. All of a sudden he cracks a smile and holds up the skateboard in one hand like he just won the WWF championship belt.

The class went crazy. People were cheering, giving high fives, and one chick got up and started doing the Cabbage Patch.

So after the class had calmed down and Mr. Barnes went back to teaching we hear a knock at the door. It was the school guidance counselor, the school resource officer (security guard), and Skateboard P. The guidance counselor comes in the room and says "Mr. Barnes, this young man has an apology he'd like to give you". Skateboard P with dried tears on his face sniffles and says "YOU BEST TO GIVE ME BACK MY SKATEBOARD, OR I'M GONNA KILL YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASS". So the school resource officer quickly puts him in the full nelson and escorts him out the class and down the hall. Mr. Barnes leaves out of the class and goes down towards the principals office. 5 minutes later, we look out of the window and see Skateboard P being loaded into a police car.

After Mr. Barnes returned, he had us all write witness reports as Skateboard P caught a charge for threatening the teacher.

I wonder what happened to Skateboard P. Mr. Barnes never said what happened when he went to court and dude never came back to school. I pray that he got his life together and isn't out on the streets threatening people.